Andrew Toth, The Exhibitionist
Andrew Toth, The Exhibitionist
People come, people go
my own pap and ma’ rejected me so
down they sink me, down I flow
into blackness is now all I know.
A nomad now
I wonder here, I wonder there,
I wonder if love lives anywhere.
Not in my heart, that’s for sure,
it’s gone bitter, cold, sour and sore.
As for hope?
it hung itself with a self woven rope
and not a tear was shed,
just a laughter like that of a real bad joke.
A few month back I blogged about the tragic(!) news that came to psych-naughts around the globe, the shut down of Silk Road. But today I am happy to announce that I have discovered its reinvention, SilkRoad 2.0!
Check it out by putting this link into your tor browser:
And in case you don’t have access to the anonymous web browser Tor, here is the link its download page:
The new Tor seems to have really taken off. There are close to 4000 adds up for psychedelics and cannabis combined, in fact it’s so busy that it frequently disconnects due to its overload of visitors.
Anonymous asked: Hi Scott, this is Mr Bashful here. This really is a good blog. And so intriguing, because you are excellent at not including yourself. I presume it was you writing about your displeasure with the recent warship celebrations. Good stuff. Have you considered writing a book? What would you write about if you had to? Anyway, keep the blog going. Warm regards, Mr B. (No need to put this comment up. I"m just saying hello.)
Ha, I see why the call you Mr, Bashful now! The kind comment goes up and so does this picture I recently found.
Mr Bashful takes his shoebox stand every Sunday afternoon in Hyde Park, Sydney at an event called Speakers Corner. He offers all by passers free epiphanies as he slams hecklers, happiness myths, and any form of mockery at his philosophies.
As to your question, this blog is my only writing. I only seldom write ideas and thoughts down. If the freedom of time arrives ill write a collective of some sort, but the world of words can be an easy things to get lost in, so I generally try to avoid them or just simply watch them go by.
"Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can have a word with him?"
The feeling of void is a common feeling often mistaken for depression or unhappiness. It’s an innate sense of emptiness that lurks in the gut and arises at the most curious of times. It’s a minute feeling the size of an ant, but can send a hopeless haze over all that is viewed and experienced.
Rationally, at the peak of your being, you can determine to yourself that you are in a state of comfort and convince yourself time and time again that the things you hold to value; your relationships, your career, material possessions, ambitions, are things worth appreciating and that you ought to be happy. But the feeling of an empty void will continue to bang in the heart like a lion rattling it’s cage. It’s usually ignored and the positive mind state and positive thinking will continue as if on autopilot. You will look deeper and deeper into the things you’re certain you love in an attempt to develop a greater appreciation. You will even try mimicking the smile that once shone so naturally, but will instead only feel the stressing of muscles around the jaw. A fool will continue with this delusional game of ‘positive thinking’ while a person on a quest for self-truth will view the mirror with an honest eye and see the pathetic, in-genuine nature of the whole charade.
Escaping this entanglement brings upon a slight tug towards both the jubilous feeling of liberation and a slight tug toward the empty feeling of depression. With feeling of fear begrudging you, you will be now half willing to dive into the abyss of the void in a hope to abolish the gnawing feeling that is pulling at you. But authority figures, cultural engineers and folks who hold you as a figure of comfort to themselves will condemn voids. Your boss will tell you to put your mood into positivity to continue productivity, your friends will offer you hope to stop you from leaving them, and materials will surround you with simple distractions. You too will coax up any excuse to not approach the lurking feeling that hangs in the gut. Something within knows that you are a product of your environment, so if the world you’ve created for yourself slips away, then so too will your personality.. and that’s a heavy blow for a person trying to discover the true self which lurks.
One thing must be realised if further progression is to occur here, and that is that comfort doesn’t always stand over contentment. Be ready to turn away from the loves you have learnt to cling to. Love serves a purpose for periods of time before transcending into other forms, it ought not to be materialised and worshiped. The sooner you come to this understanding, the sooner you wont be so drowned in sorrow. You will be able to watch comforts, relationships, and possessions come and go like thoughts and allow yourself to ride the journey horse into new experiences without being caught in a smog of thoughts.
Now it must be said that although the feeling of grudging bitterness is common while journeying through the emptiness of the void, it is not the sole emotion. It is simply the most amplified due to the un-commonality of it. Don’t get hung up in it. All thoughts, emotions, places and journeys end and forward on. Clinging to negativity is easier than growing potatoes. You’re best off just seeing the negative state in the same was you would a positive state. Look upon it in the same way you would look a landscape from a mountain top. It’s just a viewing point and unique one at that, one that not many people stand at due to it’s dark, ugliness. But from it comes a greater sense of being wholesom with the dark side that stirs within you. The void ought not to be avoided, it ought to be charged at. It’s an archaic wisdom desperate to be remembered and a privilege to possess. It’s the nothingness in which all things originate into form.
— Alan Watts~ Tao: The Watercourse Way (via centralpath)
— Albert Einstein